Saturday, September 15, 2012

Zynga make a rip-off of Pokemon with Montopia, Afghan Taliban threaten to kidnap and kill Prince Harry, “They Won’t Magically Turn You Into A Lustful Cockmonster”: Chris Kluwe Explains Gay Marriage To Politician

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I apologize this was not up yesterday, I’ve been having an off week and having to re-write articles due to Windows deciding to update is not fun. The only albums I was able to get up were the Evocation albums that were released for the first time in North America, “Tales from the Tomb” and “Dead Calm Chaos.” Also I am holding a little giveaway for sponsors. If you buy bronze advertising or higher you have a chance to win $50. You can read the full details here. If there is enough participation I may do it monthly but that’s not for certain. Anyway, here is this week’s news:

Zynga make a rip-off of Pokemon with Montopia

Zynga has made obvious rip-offs of games like Scrabble. Now they just hit an all new level of stealing ideas and have made a blatant copy of Pokémon. I also want to quote them as they dub their game “the definitive monster battle RPG,” self-proclamation is bad. From the picture above I am sure you need no more to make you think, but let me continue. This picture basically shows off each type of monster, as I can plainly see bug, grass, rock, normal, fire, dark, and shadow. In visiting the developer’s website, although being in Japanese, I can understand more gameplay features. From picture number two below, I believe it is safe to assume these are the possible starter monsters. I won’t post anymore pictures but in box one it shows a gem and a monster, this can be seen as either two things. Either an item buff or an item which induces evolution is what I get from looking at it. In the next box we have evolution which can be seen as taken from Pokémon but it is a common element in these types. The third box is what looks like either just one on one battles or tag matches, either way it’s the same stuff as Pokémon. The final box looks to be a glossary for the game, my only thing to say here is one word: Pokémon. Now although World of Warcraft duplicated Pokémon first, at least they kept their own with it. This game Montopia is way too close to Pokémon that it is disgusting.

Afghan Taliban threaten to kidnap and kill Prince Harry

Prince Harry, grandson of Queen Elizabeth, is currently based in Camp Bastion in the province Helmand, which is in a volatile state. He is on a four-month tour and is currently fighting in the war against the Taliban with NATO on the front lines. Taliban spokeman told, through a phone which location is undisclosed: “We are using all our strength to get rid of him, either by killing or kidnapping. We have informed our commanders in Helmand to do whatever they can to eliminate him.” He also declined to go into any details as to any information on what he called “Harry operations,” but one can assume they are deathly punny. The Secretary-General of NATO, Anders Fogh Ramussen, says he is not worried about the Taliban being a threat to Prince Harry’s well being. He goes on to say: “"That's not a matter of concern, I mean, we do everything we can to protect all our troops deployed to Afghanistan whatever might be their personal background." The British Ministry of Defense has declined to comment on the matter and other authorities have given few details. This is not the first time Harry has served in Afghanistan, as in 2008 he served as an air controller on the surface. This tour was cut short as of a result of the collapsing of the protection of a news blackout.

“They Won’t Magically Turn You Into A Lustful Cockmonster”: Chris Kluwe Explains Gay Marriage To The Politician

I would like to quote a letter that the linebacker for the Baltimore Ravens, Brendon Ayanbadejo wrote to the Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns Jr. on the topic of same-sex marriage. I thought it was hilarious so I thought I’d share it:

“Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,

I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland's state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words):
1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens should "inhibit such expressions from your employees," more specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on earth would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person's right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.

2. "Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement." Holy fucking shitballs. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who's "deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in Maryland"? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right thing, and you're going to say that political views have "no place in a sport"? I can't even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for "beautiful oppressionism").

3. This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you'll start thinking about penis? "Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!" Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)

I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?

In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth clusterfuck you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in. Best of luck in the next election; I'm fairly certain you might need it.

Chris Kluwe

P.S. I've also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take your "I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing" and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. Asshole.”

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