Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Washington Has Highest Bestiality, Local Entrepeneur Markets Marijuana Soda, Lars Ulrich Explains California Stop, Zakk Wylde Teams Up With Shatner, JFK Was Illiterate, Star Wars Blue Prints

Hello everyone, it is half way through the week. Meaning half way to Friday, and everyone loves weekends. Unless, of course you have to work them. As for me I haven't worked in a while due to snow and horrible shoveling jobs. Well, here is today's news and I'll start it off with the most
hilariously ridiculous news I have found.

Washington is worst for bestiality

An information map of "The United States of Shame", from Pleated Jeans, shows what each state is worse for. I could go into detail about each but I will just name of the funniest ones and get to
my point of this article coverage. Alaska as the highest suicide rate, it doesn't surprise me with who they have living up there. Sarah Palin is the most horrible governor, politician, whatever status she is, I have ever seen. She is completely stupid and some of her quotes and actions are horrendous. Wisconsin has the worst binge drinking problem and from what I've heard from relatives, they do have a lot of beer factories there. Hawaii has the worst cost of living, which makes sense when you live near volcanoes. The state that I want to talk about is Washington. How Washington was figured out to be the worst state for bestiality came from stats off of They have four  incidents of bestiality in Washington, behind them is Georgia and Florida with three each. Although they do have an interactive map that shows a fifth incident. Lets get down to the dirty details and explain each incident shall we? Kenneth Pinyan in 2005 made the most famous incident that was  dubbed the "Enumclaw Horse Sex Case", sound delicious if your constipated. Several articles and even a film was made. I am assuming and not going to check for you, that this is the infamous One Man, One Horse video. Just for reference, Pinywan was a Boeing engineer and a resident of Gig  Harbor. He got his entertainment by going up to a farm that was near Enumclaw and let a horse named "Big Dick" do... things to him, while his friends videotape... him... Where the hell do these
people come up with this crap. One day Pinyan took his acts too far and the horse ended up perforating his colon and he died from his injuries... This case led Washington to create a new law that outlawed bestiality. Bestiality Case Number Two is Michael Patrick McPhail who is twenty-six years old and from Spanaway. He was the first person charged after the new law was in place after  the Pinyan incident. Michael was caught by his wife while he was have sex with a "squealing and crying"female pit-bull on their porch. He was turned into the police. I would like to note that his last name is McPhail and it makes me question the reality of this incident. Nonetheless, if it is a true and legit incident, what kind of last name is McPhail when you get caught having sex with a dog on your porch? Beastiality Case Number Three brings us back to 2004, before the law enforcing bestiality as a crime. Five 12 and 13 year-olds broke into a barn at White Swan High School and killed and  sodomized many pigs with quoted "canes, axes, knives, and hammers". Since they were just youth and all they ended up only getting a swat on the head because most of the evidence was either, cleaned up or contaminated by their parents or other embarrassed locals. A note to Town Council, this is what bored kids do when you take away their concerts. Bestiality Case Number Four now brings us up to a recent incident from 2007. Arthur Lawton was charged with an account of animal cruelty for having sex with a goat inside a barn at his place of employment, Eatonville's Pioneer Farm Museum. He was caught in the middle of the act by a tour guide. Mister Lawton then later tried to claim that he was only "trying to milk" the poor thing. Is this what the Eatonville pioneers did back in the day? Maybe it was just part of the tour... Apparently there are more then four accounts if I am  counting correctly, which leads us to last year. Douglas Spink is a former cocaine running, extreme sports enthusiast, who was arrested for the running of a bestiality resort for tourists which was located near the Washington-Canada border. He was sentenced to three years in a federal prison after he had pleaded guilty to letting a man visit his ranch and have sex with his dogs. The last incident of bestiality we have in Washinton is Gary A. Veldhuizen from Ferndale, who loved the online game FarmVille. I'm guessing he romantically got attached to his farm too much and maybe had too many goats on his farm. He was caught doing the dirty with a goat by a family member and was sentenced to one month in jail. As you can see Washington does love their animals, just in ways they shouldn't. I can vouch for them with line from Clerks 2 and say that they were "extremely disgusted but couldn't look away". This is all I have on this subject...

Local entrepreneur plans to market medical marijuana pop

Medical marijuana is used for many types of curing of different health problems these days. Some people don't like smoking and I know that if I tried to smoke it'd probably kill me. That is why an entrepreneur named Clay Butler is soon going to market a product called CannaKush (orange, duh). Butler explains that marijuana in soda does exist in today's marketplace but that none of them have the savvy branding of his products. He also goes
on to talk about how there is a horrible cliché in the industry of hippie-esque, rainbow-y things with the most inappropriate and unreadable fonts and that kids will pick up anything if it looks cools. Although he also decided to use a marijuana leaf, because it is unavoidable in this market,  on his soda bottles he decided to design the leaf out of bubbles to give people looking at the bottle the sense of
drinking a soda pop. The soda will have "somewhere between 35 to 65 milligrams" of THC in them and Scott Riddell explains the similarity of the product to a light beer, among high percentaged liquors. These sodas will sell for between ten and fifteen dollars per 12-ounce bottle. The company is planning
to launch the soft drinks in Colorado in February. For more information about the business aspect of the venture and the politics behind it click here.

Lars Ulrich Explains California Big Four Show

Lars Ulrich appeared on yesterday's "The Kevin and Bean Show" on Los Angeles' KROQ-FM and explained that the decision to only do one show in the United States for now in California is to take small steps. This will help build advertisement for when they do the whole tour, whenever it is. Lars also went on to say "listen, we don't wanna cram this down people's throats. We don't wanna sort of overstay the welcome, and we don't know what kind of response there's gonna be to this in America, so we're starting, obviously, without being disrespectful to the rest of the wonderful country...". The reason they picked California because of all the band's histories in the state. Here is a video of an advertisement featuring their live performances in Europe.

Zakk Wylde Teams Up With Shatner

It is funny to inform you all that Zakk Wylde recorded a cover of "Iron Man" by the famous Black Sabbath with William Shatner. This is just one of Shatner's covers of his new album which will be released this year by Cleopatra Records. The album is called "Seeking Major Tom" and with include Adam Hamilton as well. The album is expected to have twenty songs including a cover of "Bohemian Rhapsody". Here is a video of Shatner speaking about his new album.

JFK wasn't that smart

Well, if any of you are in doubt about your English marks, here is some inspiration. In the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum there is documents released that the man himself was horrible at writing. In 1935, Harvard asked the former president, who must have been applying at the time, why he wanted to go to Harvard. This is his response to said question:

"The reasons that I have for wishing to go to Harvard are several. I felt that Harvard can give me a
better background and a better liberal education than any other university. I have always wanted to go there, as I have felt that it is not just another college but is a university with something definite to offer. Then too, I would like to go to the same college as my father. To be a “Harvard man” is an enviable distinction, and one that I sincerely hope I shall attain."

I don't understand how someone with so illiterate writing at the time became a president. Eve Binder at IvyGate wrote this on the topic of his application:

"Kennedy's application really skimps on smarmy, sycophantic adjective-dropping, a sure sign that he has no idea what he’s talking about. This shit would never pass muster on the Common App. Not to mention the fact that he sounds more eager to own an embossed Harvard money clip than he does to have a Harvard education-- although that's pretty much true for all Harvard students, so pass."

Barbara Cooper who is a college consultant was quoted by The Huffington Post saying that although JFK was legacy back then, nowadays he would have a hard time getting into Harvard. American Thinker employee Ralph Atler said

"The lack of seriousness is surprising, considering that ol' bootlegging Daddy Joe was likely to be hovering imperiously in the background. Kennedy's essay sounds more like the response one gets from a beauty pageant contestant than that of a young man serious about his future. One must remember, however, that the family's hopes were still pinned on Joe Kennedy Jr. who was considered the political standard bearer for the Kennedy progeny."

College applicants of today can learn from Kennedy says Ryan Brown from campus Progess:

"If JFK is any indication, early academic trajectory isn't always revealing of some one's abilities. Our 35th president finished his four years [of high school] at the Choate School in Wallingford, Conn., with a cumulative average of 68, placing him in the third quarter of his class. But by the time he graduated with honors from Harvard five years later, he'd written an international affairs senior thesis that would go on to become a bestselling book, Why England Slept. By his 30th birthday,  he was a U.S. congressman."

Kennedy's application included a note from Choate's headmaster, writing that he assured Harvard that JFK "can be relied upon to do enough to pass".

I guess back then English wasn't very well done part of education yet then was it? I guess what I'm trying to say is, if a president can go through school just passing by, you can do about the same if you put our mind to it.

That's it for today guys. I think there is more reading than usual to be read here but, its all funny  stuff. Well, if you are still bored here are some Star Wars blueprints. The rest you can find here.

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